"Remnants of childhood…and motherhood" Some funny memories I’ve been asked to share on my blog.

My blogs have been kind of heavy lately so I decided to just throw caution to the wind and have a fun day.  Sometimes we need to just chilax and laugh in order to reboot.  I have been asked by some of my FB friends to reshare a little essay I did last year.  Back in December one of my childhood friends gave me the number 5 and told me to share 5 things about myself.  I decided to go for some of the crazy experiences I’ve had and share the memories still making me laugh as well as grimace.  It’s funny how life experiences can leave impressions on your spirit dictating behavioral reactions in everyday life. 

 So here we go….. sit back and laugh with me friends!!!
  
1. I was attacked by a female monkey when I was 4 at the Knoxville Zoo. I was just being my sweet little four year old self and mimicking faces of a male monkey that obviously thought I had it going on. We mimed each others faces for about three minutes when all of a sudden I was grabbed by the hair of the head and slammed into the bars of the cage by the male monkey’s live-in, jealous, female lover. It was a vicious attack people….one that my tender memories will never let me forget. Emergency help was called to pry that jealous, little, snit’s hairy, grubby, flea-picking phalanges from my precious head. I hate the Zoo to this day.

2. I loved the Pillsbury Dough Boy and his commercials……..In fact I loved him so much  I opened over 12 cans of biscuits looking for him when I was about 5.  When he did not pop out…..I proceeded to hide the biscuits all over the house….in flower pots, dresser drawers, closets, jewelry boxes, under the bed, toy boxes…..window sills hid by curtains. I specifically remember my anger, disillusionment and disappointment. The Dough BOY was the first boy to break my little heart.

3. I once left my toddler sons (at the time) Matt age 4 and Aaron age 2, on the side of the road. I had picked up all three of my boys at the babysitters. On the drive home, Matt was opening Hershey kisses and handing them to his little brothers to eat. Unbeknownst to me….18 month old Spencer…my baby, had picked up 3 old fashioned metal jack rocks at the babysitters putting them in his pocket. He had retrieved them and was unaware he got the jack rocks mixed up with the kisses swallowing the toys and candy together. I looked back in the mirror when I heard a gargling, gagging noise and realized he was choking. At this point….my little know it all man…Matthew (age 4 mind you) starts screaming…..”he’s dwying…he’s dwying momma…pwull ova…pwull ova!!” Of course I come to a screeching halt on Emory Road near where Bruster’s Ice Cream is now….and I jump out retrieving Spencer from the car seat. I proceed to do the heimlech maneuver….that only produced a nasty broth of chocolate and blood from his mouth. I panicked….of course.   I ran to the middle of the road and proceeded to wave down cars for help….the first one I asked to call 911….the second was an old inebriated farmer with a wad of chew that was drooling out of the corner of his mouth. He hops out of his rusty truck and he proceeds to take my precious, choking baby and turn him upside down, holding him by the ankles shaking him….I was horrified. I jerked my baby away from him and told him to go wash his face! I then resorted to sticking my finger down Spencer’s throat and SURPRISE SURPRISE!!! I pulled out a jack rock!????!!! A what?!!! I was stunned but I thought well he’s Okay….until he started gagging and gargling and grunting…….oh it was horrible! A nurse arrived on the scene and started working with Spencer.  She proceeded to get another jack rock out of his throat. As she was working desperately to save my baby’s life, I was in tears and remember looking at the back of my big buick,…… (we affectionately called the car Big Bertha….we traded her not long after that because Aaron had projectile vomited…like a rocket in space all over the car and his little brothers one night….all my boys were naked by the time we got home because they crawled out of their vomit covered clothes and car seats. All the way home I prayed I wouldn’t get pulled over with three naked little boys out of their car seats that had the smell of puke….oh sorry….that’s another story).   Where was I?…..Oh yea….I remember looking at the rear view window of Bertha….and two little scared sets of eyes as big as quarters were taking in all the events. Once again Spencer started gagging and gargling……oh I thought I was just about done in….but the nurse kept working and got another jack rock up….oh yes….3!!!  All of a sudden the ambulance is on the scene whisking us away to children’s hospital.  Spencer is stable on the ride but still coughing and bleeding. As we pull into the emergency room…..I remember ……Matt….Aaron….????? I left my babies on the side of the road!!!!!!! I was mortified!!!!!! Thankfully….my smart little man, Matthew….gave a bystander or thrill seeker….whichever it was….my sister’s phone number and Darla drove like a bat out of….well you know….. from Grainger County to get my babies.   Not my proudest mother moment…..still haunts me to this day.

4. I went back to school to finish my degree at the age of 45! WHAT?! If that doesn’t impress you this will….. I walked into my first day of class and low and behold there was my oldest son, Matt….in the same class….He was mortified! Our eyes locked and I saw the terror on his face…in his eyes….He immediately shook his head “NO” at me….therefore I went to the front of the class and took a seat. I respected his space and kept my distance for the first half of the semester until the professor put us in the same study group….can you say….AWKWARD? Then to add insult to his injury….the professor made me the group leader…..can you say….UNCOMFORTABLE? I played it cool until one day in study group I accidentally called him by his pet name….”Pookie”….Let’s just say if looks could kill I would be six feet under right now.  I tried to nonchalantly play it off and apologized telling him he reminded me of my son. It didn’t help. We managed to pull off the semester without anyone finding out….except some astute little prissy, sorority girl asked me if he was my son on the last day of class. I never told Matt I ratted him out bless his heart. Oh well. Just in case inquiring minds want to know….I ended the semester with honors and a higher GPA in that class and over all….than my brilliant son who was on afull academic scholarship!! BAHAHAHAHA……still love to rub that in!! HA!

5. I am a freakishly, nerdy, literary junkie and at the age of 46 took a whole semester on the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. It was EPIC!  My final project was designing a HOBBIT newspaper with ads, stories and art work. That was my favorite class…semester….ever!!!!!!! WHY would I take this class….you may ask?  Well because I have raised boys and when you raise boys….you learn to like all that SCI-FI,  superhero, Walking Dead, kind of entertainment.  I do take exception to one movie I detest to this day…..Anaconda.  One lazy Sunday afternoon my husband and boys duped me into going.  To this day I cannot get the pictures out of my head I saw on the big screen many years ago. Who wants to see a gigantic snake swallow a man whole….vomit him up…and eat him again?  Really? Snakes in any capacity are not quality entertainment people.

There you have it folks…I have lived…..my life has left me with deep scars……but I HAVE LIVED!!!!!

"Know Your Enemy" Battling Thru Spiritual Warfare

I’ve been kinda’ quite on the blog lately….I’ve been rather engrossed in another writing project for church.   This project has taken over four years to complete and it is the toughest writing endeavor I have ever tackled. The subject matter……”Spiritual Warfare”….. is rather daunting and could be intimidating if I wasn’t a believer.  I grew up with a great fear of the dark and the devil as well.  Not until my late twenties did I learn about my authority over satan through the blood of JESUS.

One day my husband and I were talking about a circumstance that we were facing that was clearly a matter of spiritual warfare.  I made the statement…”I HATE THE devil!!”  He laughed at me and kind of teased me about my statement made in the midst of frustration…..but truly….not much has changed….I still hate him with a passion.  I can’t even bring myself to capitalize the first letter of  his name even though my spell check keeps screaming for me to do so. 

For years I lived in fear…..battled bouts of depression…..believed things about myself that were not true…..struggled through seasons of discontent….discouragement…..defeat.  I have watched people I love….friends and family….. experience the same struggles….it pains me to see how evil messes with people I love.

When I was 17 years old I had an experience that paralyzed me with fear.  It was a school night and my father was out of town with his job.  I was sometimes scared when daddy was gone and occasionally  would crawl into my parents big king size bed and sleep with my mom.  I slept on the side closest to the door with a view out into the hallway of the balcony and mom always left a light on.  I would lay  looking out at the dimly lit balcony until I fell asleep.  This night I was very restless and could not go to sleep, tossing and turning.  I remember looking at the clock and shifting my focus back out to the balcony.  For a moment…..I closed my eyes….then opened them again…..what happened next is still terrifying when I think about it. There in the distance…..at the end of the hall……was a hooded figure slowly walking toward me. 

I specifically remember reaching my right arm toward my mother but the bed was so big I could not reach her.  I tried to scream and nothing came out….I was so afraid that I was literally frozen. I watched in horror as the figure got closer and closer to me and eventually leaning down and hovering over me….I felt the sensation of my throat tightening…..then in an instance….I cried out….”JESUS HELP ME!”  Immediately the hooded figure disappeared.  

Now before you say….oh..you were just dreaming Mel…..years later I shared what happened with my pastor.   Bryan told me of someone he loves very much who had the very same experience I did.  My pastor believes as I do that I was visited by a demon or satan himself manifested in physical form. Why?  He wants to afflict us with fear….pain….confusion….doubt…..guilt….oppression…..and the list goes on and on friends. 

Make no mistake…..satan’s goal is to control our lives and keep us defeated.  He seeks to snuff out our light for JESUS making us ineffective for the kingdom.

In my late twenties I was enlightened by a dear family friend about demons and the spirit world.  Butch Lakin was a second daddy to me and a GODLY man who’s now with JESUS….. but boy did he know the scriptures.  He gave me a book called “The Bondage Breaker” by Dr. Neil Sanderson.  My eyes were opened to the ploys of the devil and how he works in our midst everyday.  I started learning about the negative thoughts whirling around in my head and recognized they were of satan.  I learned how to recognize discouraging and frustrating situations as warfare in satan’s attempts to hurt my family.  

I learned how he uses discouragement to paralyze us…..how he brings depression into our spirits…..how he afflicts us with health issues doctors have trouble diagnosing.  If he can defeat us in our thinking…..he can control our minds.  So many Christians are living defeated lives because the evil one has come to kill, steal and destroy anything good in our lives.  (John 10:10)

The bible describes satan in many ways….its important that we as Christians understand and know our enemy first and foremost.  There are numerous scriptures that describe satan’s forces as being organized with various ranks of disciples.   You must be on guard at all times because he is always lurking.  (1 Peter 5:8)  He will come to areas of your life that you may tend to neglect….such as your health…or parenting….or finances…..your marriage……just to name a few.  One of the great ploys he uses is loading us down with stress because stress will cause us to neglect difficult tasks or situations we do not have the mental or physical energy to deal with.

He can take good things and turn them into bad habits….the bible says he is “the one who leads the whole world astray” (Revelations 12:9).   Years ago I had a friend who got their child a computer for school and through the freedom of having a lap top, the child became addicted to pornography.  The consequences of the situation has affected this family in a myriad of ways for years.   As parents, we have to be vigilant in protecting our children from social media.  Not only is the internet dangerous to children but countless families have been torn apart by online emotional affairs starting through social media.

He uses our own friends, family and church family to hurt us…..remember….we battle not against flesh and blood….(Ephesian 6:12)  He knows our weaknesses and targets us exactly where we are vulnerable.  He uses our past against us…..recalling our sin….reducing us to a guilty state of feeling unworthy of blessing or ministry purposes.  He lies….he deceives….he afflicts…..he oppresses…the list goes on and on. 

So how can we stand against the devil when he is so cunning and deceptive?

1- Know how your enemy works and stand guard over your thoughts, habits and family.

   “Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”  1 Peter 5:8-9

Remember…..anything negative whether it is an action or a thought…is of satan….not GODAnything confusing…is of satan…not GOD. (1 Corinthians 14:33) Learn to ask….is this a negative thing…. or a positive thing?  Put all thoughts and circumstances through the negative/positive filter test.

2- Put on the Armor of GOD!
     
  “Finally be strong in the LORD and in the strength of his might.  Put on the whole armor of GOD, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  Therefore take up the whole armor of GOD, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.  Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of GOD, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. Ephesians 6: 10-18

In a future blog I am going to break down how GOD helped me actually understand and use the whole armor of GOD because I became aware through study that I really didn’t get it…..but the main thing I want you to take away from this scripture today is….

            GET IN YOUR BIBLE ON A REGULAR BASIS!

            PRAY LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER PRAYED BEFORE!

           AND LET YOUR FAITH KICK IN WHEN THE FLAMING DARTS START COMING!

3-  Last thing to take away today is…..

              RESIST THE DEVIL AND HE WILL FLEE!!! (James 4:7)

“Remember battling satan will only work if you resist him…..pray and read the word….have faith…. and do the hard work of filtering the negative when it comes your way.”

Oh friends how satan has harassed….afflicted….and hurt me in so many ways in the past.  I am so grateful the LORD brought people into my life years ago to teach me about spiritual warfare….it’s because of this…. I want to expose him for the liar he is!

For some reason the Lord has me camped out at this subject at this period in my life. I have so much more to learn and yet I have learned so much just in the last year as I studied in preparation for the church project I was writing.  My prayer is GOD will continue to teach, strengthen, and empower me by the precious blood of JESUS!!

As Christians, we must learn the ways of our enemy so we can combat him!  All great warriors through out history studied their opponents tactics and warfare practices.  They went into battle with a plan…..they knew how to fight….where to fight….what weapons to use.  We must take the time to learn our enemy in order to stand against him.

If you have gone through a season of spiritual warfare please share your experiences….you see…it’s only when we share that our enemy and his tactics can be exposed for all to see.

I leave you with this one positive thought straight from the scriptures….

           GOD IS FOR US!!!  PSALM 118:6

Dear LORD…..may I become a studied soldier to stand against the schemes of satan….give me the wisdom to recognize the enemy’s ploys….give me the faith to stand….and the strength to endure.

                                                         
        

"Rubbing Your Nose In the Past" He wants you to forgive yourself!

Well….I’m having one of those days where satan is absolutely trying to mess with me.  It actually started yesterday.  You ever feel like you are just so sinful….and unworthy…..and a disappointment to GOD?  Unfortunately I have many times.  I loose my temper…..I think a bad thought….I get stubborn and harden my heart.

 Its hard to lay our sin down sometimes…..but even harder to believe that GOD forgives us the first time we ask….so we keep reminding HIM and asking for forgiveness again and again….when really….if we are truly repentant….HE forgave us the first time we asked.

Anybody out there keep asking GOD to forgive you for something you’ve already confessed?

Satan is the one continually rubbing our nose in our failures……NOT GOD! 

Grace is such a beautiful concept that has always been so hard to graft to my heart.  I think insecurities…..child hood experiences…..even church experiences can have something to do with that as well….after all….Christians are hard on each other.  We want to recall or remember when our sisters or brothers wrong us…..yet we don’t want them to remember our offenses.

Feelings are liars……they make us think things not true….they make us believe the worst sometimes….when GOD has only feelings of love for us…..HE thinks only good for us.

I wish there was some kind of magic filter that I could just install in my psyche that automatically screened out all the feelings and thoughts that cause me to beat myself up….over and over.   “I shouldn’t have reacted that way…..I shouldn’t have said that…..I failed again.”

For instance…..when I felt GOD telling me to start a blog…..about three years ago….I kept telling myself….”Who do you think you are…speaking for GOD?”  Many of my friends know that I am a playwright for church…I even struggle with writing plays that are effective for the kingdom….I don’t feel worthy……up to the task…..clean enough……yet HE fills my head with all these beautiful pictures and stories that translate into characters on paper.

I fought the blog thing for a long time…..until GOD spoke to me and said….“Just share your struggles…..as real as you can.”  Relief is finally what I felt…because I no longer feel the burden of speaking for GOD.

  I am just trying to share my heart…..as real as I can….through words.  

Am I perfect?…..HEAVENS NO!!!  Do I struggle with sin?….ABSOLUTELY!!!!  All I can do is share how GOD takes this stubborn heart and prunes….jars…..grieves…..disciplines…. tenderly to the point of submission…. helping me think the way he wants me to think.

You see…..GOD just doesn’t want us to beat ourselves up over and over because of our failures……and as Christians….HE certainly doesn’t want us to keep beating up our brothers and sisters when they fail us….that’s just a tool of satan.

So when I fall in the ditch that satan has dug for me…..somehow GRACE sends just a bit of light….enough for me to stop….and realize…..GOD’S not rubbing my nose in my failures…..satan is. 

I deal with my stinking thinking and ask GOD to help me think his thoughts.  I recall some of my favorite scripture that encourages me…….

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
                                                                                                                                       Psalm 103:12

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  1John 1:9

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow: though they are red like crimson, they shall become as wool. 
                                                                                                                                        Isaiah 1:18

These are just a few of the many verses I love and write out from time to time just to let the words seep deep into my heart.  I encourage you to get alone and look up every scripture where GOD tells us HE forgives us….over and over. 

One of the tools I use to straighten out my stinking thinking is putting those thoughts through the Philippians 4:8 test.

      “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable….if anything is excelling or praiseworthy think about such things.”  Philippians 4:8

Put every thought of self loathing…..unworthiness……failure…….absolutely every thought that rubs your nose in your past……ask yourself…is it true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable?

Remember GOD doesn’t want us wallering in our past failures….but Satan does!

ALWAYS BE ON GUARD OF SATAN’S TACTICS TO MAKE YOU FEEL LESS! HIS MIND GAMES ARE STRAIGHT FROM THE PITTS OF HELL!!!!

I pray that someone …..somewhere out there in the big “blog o sphere” that totally confounds me…..will get the message….HE loves you….HE forgives you…and HE forgets it……and…

HE wants you to forgive yourself!

 



  

"Rainy Days and Monday’s Always Get Me Down" A battle for the mind and how to win!!!

Disappointment looms in the air today…….someone I love very much is struggling ……….I have friends that are down……..there is sickness…..aggravations…..regret……debt…….a heavy fog of grief.   Heck…..there’s a bunch of adult men that get paid millions to chase a ball around that are pretty blue today.

Monday’s are notorious for being bad days but I really hate to blame Mondays.  Mondays get a bad rap.  I think we are all just snapped back to reality after a two day euphoric reprieve.   Having the weekend to relax and forget our troubles is a welcome relief  until the clock goes off at 6:30 A.M. Monday morning and you’re catapulted back to the real world……it’s even worse when the rains coming down in buckets outside your window.

Days like today make me think of my daddy that’s in Heaven……my little boys that are big boys now.  I think about sunny days playing at the pool……..friday night movies……..cooking pasta so they could have a food fight outside.   I think of my mamaw Millsey in heaven as well……. she was my prayer warrior and understood my heart and my hurts growing up.  I’m tempted to mourne for the past when in reality….I wouldn’t want to bring my daddy or mamaw Millsey back from Heaven….they certainly wouldn’t want to come back……and while I miss the little boys that I so relished….this period where my nest is emptying is really a sweet place….and a divine appointment from God. 

In the past I have wallowed in my melancholy……sometimes the mindset would set in for a few days.  While it’s sweet to remember in order to escape……the LORD doesn’t want me to linger there to the point I loose sight of the future or it causes me to sin.  But gosh dang it…..when I think about the future…..it’s so overwhelming at times.  Fretting over worrisome problems, disappointments or things unsettled doesn’t help my state of mind.

So how do I handle these vulnerable…..worrisome…..nerve wracking….anxious…..melancholy……and dreadful days?

         You know…..that day where your heart is just raw…..unsettled…..aching in a sense?

We all have them for whatever reasons our lives warrant.  Concern for a child….worry for the future…..anxiousness for a problem…..health issues…..deadlines…. consequences from sin…..job pressures…..and the list goes on and on and on. 

            The important thing to ask when our emotions are tender…..where do we turn?

 Do we open the fridge?  Do we turn on the TV and let the noise drown out our thoughts? Do we hop in the car and go for a little retail therapy? Do we shut ourselves off emotionally from friends….church or family?  What do you do?  I have to confess that I have done all of the above in the past…….but finally…..I started to face those fragile times in my spirit because I wanted to deal with them…not push them back where they kept popping up…..causing me to digress to “stinking thinking.” 

 One day I finally talked to God about it…..”Okay Lord….I’m here at this uncomfortable place with this thing that I can’t change or fix…..what do you want me to learn from it?……what about this situation is causing me not to have truthful thoughts about everything and everyone involved…..including you Lord?”

When we get in these melancholy moods…..or mental states of depression or  negativity….it’s usually because we have allowed satan to use our problems against us.

I’ve always been a fixer….but it seems GOD has given me things in the last few years that I can’t fix in my human flawed state.  Have you got some problems that only God can handle or fix?  I used to pray for relief from things blatantly out of my ability to make better…….but now I do these little steps to get my mind in tune with the LORD’S.  I have found that I can face my problems a lot better when I have a GODLY mindset.

Step 1 I make myself write down a simple list of all the good things in my life that I am grateful for.  You will not believe how much better you will feel afterwards.  Seeing in black and white the good things I have to be thankful for….raises my spirits to another level.   Once I get to this point….my “stinking thinking” starts aligning with the “voice of truth.

Step 2 I rebuke satan and all the “stinking thinking”….. lies…..discouragement and negative things he tries to whisper.   You see….if you have accepted JESUS as your saviour….you have been bought with the blood that he sacrificed for your sin.  That blood gives you authority over satan and any devices, lies or problems he can throw into your life.  Claim the blood of JESUS and tell satan to go back to pit of lies and stay……he has no authority over you if you have been been redeemed by JESUS 

Remember satan is cunning….he comes to kill, steal and destroy your life (John 10:10) and your loved ones…..and the place he starts……. is by seeking to control your mind.

  Don’t let satan control your mind or thoughts through the problems you face on a daily basis!!!

Make a point to get rid of your “stinking thinking” because it’s from satan…..it will never be from GOD!  Any negative thought that comes into your mind is from the pits of hell!  

GOD will never give you negative …..condemning thoughts!

 THIS IS CRITICAL TO REMEMBER IN HAVING VICTORY IN YOUR THOUGHT LIFE!!!

 Step 3 The next step…… give it all to JESUS……every hurt…..problem……weakness….inadequacy… …..negativity……every burden……desperation…..past joys…..past sins….Give it all to HIM……pour your heart out to JESUS in honesty and humbleness.  

If you have a problem concentrating in prayer……that’s a ploy of satan’s as well so I suggest you sit down and write your prayers…… emptying your heart out to God.  Sometimes it hardest to pray and focus when satan has compounded your problems or hurts to a state of overwhelming thoughts.  

I have written my prayers so many times…..but it helps me focus and zero in on what the real problem is……which is usually my “stinking thinking.”  Oh the sweet relief when I give it to HIM…….it’s that very delicate vacuum of time…..where I have just confessed sin……given HIM my problems….and I am perfectly clean…..at least until I fall again…..but gosh….that sweet little space of time….where all is right between me and JESUS…..oh it’s priceless.

Finally sweet friends…..remember this……

                    “GOD IS FOR YOU!”

GOD is on your side!!! Though John 10:10 tells us that satan comes to kill, steal and destroy our lives….the rest of the verse says that HE came to give us abundant life!

      “The thief cometh not, but for to steal and to kill and destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”  John 10:10

HE has come to free us of all our burdens……set the captives free……heal the hurts……break the chains of bondage…….we weren’t meant to carry all this baggage……..that’s why HE died for us.  

When we become entangled in our “stinking thinking” because of our problems…..friends….that is NOT ABUNDANT LIVING!!!

Oh how I am so thankful to have a saviour to run to when the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

The next time you fall into one of those ditch’s that satan dug for you….just give these simple steps a try…..I promise you…..JESUS will pull you from the plunder.


I pray that this message…..goes out to those struggling with burdens that entangle to the point of “stinking thinking”…….oh how I pray that you find relief in that sweet delicate place…..where JESUS meets you one on one….and all is made right between you and your precious saviour.

Remember………

            GOD IS FOR YOU!


                                             “I know that you are for me”  by Kari Jobe





"What Have I Missed?"

“If you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you and made my thoughts known to you.”  Proverbs 1:23

I missed HIM…..I missed something HE wanted to show me but I pressed on in my own will.  How many times have I missed HIM?  It makes me literally heart sick that HE would have poured out HIS heart to me…..let me in on HIS thoughts….if only…I would have listened….obeyed…..repented.

I hit the snooze button for the….first…..second…..third…..and even fourth time….I take short cuts….throw the hair up in a pony tail……hurry down stairs……slap the pop tart in the toaster……pour the milk……grab my Bible and rush out the door.  “I can do my quite time at work,”……I tell myself…..but when I get to work…….a client unexpectedly pops in…..the phone is busy…..an urgent task finds a landing spot on my desk ….. for me to complete…..and I don’t do my quite time.

Recently I fought a bout of insomnia due to a health issue.  It lasted about two weeks and I struggled with my normal morning routine of seeking GOD first.  Let me tell you, my day just isn’t the same when I don’t start with JESUS.  But more important…..When I miss our time I am not giving HIM the time to change me. I am not opening HIS love letter and allowing HIM to speak conviction to my heart.  I have not been still for HIM to pour out HIS heart to me…..I have missed knowing HIS thoughts.

Reading this verse last night…..Proverbs 1:23 jumped off the page at me and immediately gave me that feeling of being punched in my stomach.

What have I missed???????

 I will never know what HE had to tell me those mornings.

I delayed getting my heart right….in line with his….confessing those little sins that are so easy to delay confession for.  You know……those thoughts we shouldn’t think…..those feelings that are liars….those half truths we rationalize some way……those sins that are not blatant in your face sinful.

What have I missed???????

What healing balm would HE had soothed my weary soul with?  What insight or vision opportunity for HIS Kingdom have I missed?  What sister or brother would HE had led me to lift up?  What burdens would HE had relieved me of?   What truth would HE had imparted to my feeble mind?

What have I missed??????

What have you missed??????

Every quiet time missed with GOD can never…… ever…… ever…….. be retrieved.  

Oh GOD…..I don’t want to miss anything you have to tell me…..ever.  Help me to heed your warnings….. to be still in your presence…..confess….repent……obey……listen.  I ache for you to pour out your heart to me….to know your thoughts.

I don’t ever want to miss you again LORD.