Today has been one of those messy days of grace for me.
My mindset has been fractured all day….. cracks were exposed in places of faith I previously thought were strong.
My emotions were fragile just enough to let me drift off to the abyss of pessimism.
Hindering oppressive thoughts drained into my soul….taking me back to long ago when I felt no grace.
I thought I was beyond the point of wandering back to the valley.
Somehow I stumbled right into a thicket of obscure dejection. I let man’s actions make me think I was less….unimportant….invisible.
Funny how the enemy knows what days the physical body ails….making it hard for the spiritual consciousness to keep up.
Today I felt as though I was a middle school girl being bullied all over again….bullied by life….bullied by another’s sin.
I am a child of the King…… why do I let the world hamstring my heart at times?
I know better!
How can we be on the spiritual mountain top for months only to be pushed off by the enemy in one short span of time?
There is shame in this weakness for me.
After all…I thought I had passed the faith test….bought the t-shirt…..walking bow legged from so much truth poured into my soul.
How did I let this happen?
I turned off the light way earlier than usual to sleep this melancholy hangover off. Tossing and turning side to side…. trying to get comfortable in my slumber.
I started to pray…..wrestling with words…as well as my comfort…..but I couldn’t find physical comfort…for my spirit was in battle.
Then I clearly hear HIM say…..
“Work it out in words child….tell me exactly what haunts your heart tonight.”
So I turn on the lamp…I reach for my lab top…and tell HIM just what a rotten day I had.
I tell HIM I am mad at myself for listening to the enemy’s lies.
I tell HIM I’m sorry I didn’t filter my mind….I didn’t fall back on the truth.
I tell HIM the pain I feel by hurtful actions and attitudes.
Immediately….I start to feel peace…slowly soaking up the bitter spew of GOD-less thoughts.
I literally can feel strength seeping back into my aching frame.
Truth is pulsating through my spiritual veins again!
I am an overcomer!
Regardless of what emotional lava that has spread over my mind today.
No matter what suppression man may fling my way….
No matter the landmines of doubt the enemy made no attempt to disguise….
HE has reminded me…..
“Greater is HE that is in me….than he that is in the world!”
The Living GOD is in me!
THE LIVING GOD IS IN ME!
And HE will fight my battles!
And soothe my wounds!
The Living God will go before me in all my steps….and tomorrow?
Well tomorrow will be another day…a new day….to take my stand in the truth of HIS faithful righteousness.
A new day to be “HIS” love…..even when I am unloved.
A new day to experience his mercies….for they are new every day.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.” Lamentations 3:22
Don’t let the world consume and beat you up my friend….
Don’t let the enemy exploit the fragile places of your heart.
Remember who you are….and whose you are!
For you are a child of the one true King…..JESUS CHRIST!
Like the stupid decisions that led to shame…or pain…or loss?
Or the lost opportunities we couldn’t see the value in when we had the chance to be something different….do something important?
How about the conversations or remarks you wish you could take back?
And the regrets of ungodly actions?
The older I get….the more I think about the “do overs” I wish I had.
If only we had the wisdom and discipline to make all the right choices….our lives would go a lot smoother for sure.
But there is hope….
Even when we make the wrong decision….GOD is there…..
If we trust him.
In Lysa Terkehurst’s new book “The Best Yes,” she shares we can’t let our mistakes make us think our life is ruined or forever soiled.
Lysa says…..
“An error is an unintentional mistake; an end is a termination. When considering the potential outcome of a difficult decision, its important to distinguish the errors from the ends in our thinking.”
Even when we mess up…it’s not an end….it’s a mistake we did not intend to happen.
We CAN recover from poor decisions…if we let GOD have control of the situation.
Yes we may have to face some uncomfortable consequences but GOD doesn’t mark us off as disappointments.
In fact …. here is the kicker…..my favorite quote of the whole book……
“My imperfections will never override GOD’S promises. GOD’S promises are not dependent on my ability to always choose well, but rather on HIS ability to use well.”
I don’t know about you…..but this truth just pierces me deep down and makes me want to cry like a baby.
What comfort it is to know my mess ups will never disqualify me from….
HIS love….
HIS mercy…..
HIS kingdom purposes….
or….
HIS ultimate will for my life.
There is so much anointed wisdom from this new book….and I want to leave you with one more quote from Lysa to think about…….
It’s not the activities or accomplishments we string together that make lives well lived as much as it is the hearts of wisdom we gain and use along the way.”
We are going to mess up on this winding….rocky path of life, but if we will let the mess ups (errors)…teach us wisdom ……we will learn to make wiser decisions in the future.
Friend if you are mourning a poor decision and your stuck in the mire of consequences……
Don’t get discouraged……
Don’t hang your head in shame……
Don’t think your life is in a dead end……
Remember…..you are in the redeeming process…..
And what GOD redeems……
HE always uses for HIS GLORY!
“We have to slow the rhythm of rush in our lives so the best of who we are can emerge. What has “rushing” stolen from you?”
I had built a wall all around my fragile emotions.
I didn’t trust anyone….nor did I want friends.
I allowed circumstances to poison my heart toward all people.
I withdrew from relationships and checked out of the only social scene I participated in… which centered around church.
My husband accused me of being unfriendly.
He would go out to eat with friends….I would not.
My job became more demanding requiring me to travel….I stayed tired so it was a good excuse.
I allowed myself to only care for my immediate family.
Thank GOD I did not give up on church. HE kept me engaged with the drama ministry I served.
My broken heart kept me desperate for GOD.
In the midst of my internal pain, I knew GOD was the only solace for help.
I lived in this fog for about 6 years….disillusioned with loyalty….friendship….trust.
As time passed….I smiled and put on a good front…but I kept my distance.
Let me just say….distance is never good.
Distance just keeps us farther away from facing the root of our heartaches.
The LORD did many things in my life during those dark years of living in isolation.
First HE showed me how deceitful my heart was.
I was so weak in reality….I believed the lies my feelings were telling my mind.
Not everything I felt was true.
Second HE helped me see….I can’t fix others…but I can fix my heart if I will listen and obey HIM.
HE forced me to identify the true root of my heartache…and I finally surrendered my brokenness to the only one who could restore.
You see….sometimes we spend more time looking at others hearts instead of looking at our own.
It’s so easy to pray for GOD to fix another’s heart isn’t it?
HE showed me regardless of whether certain people in my life are loyal….trustworthy….or not….HE will always be loyal…. and trustworthy.
I’ve learned not to judge all people from the hurtful experiences life throws my way.
Just because someone betrays or lets me down today….doesn’t mean a new friend will do the same tomorrow.
When I realized GOD wanted me to have friends whether I wanted them or not….I knew I had a spiritual problem.
HE let me waller in my misery until I felt the need for GODLY friendship.
HE created us for companionship…to bear one another’s burdens…to encourage….to be accountable….to love.
GOD started speaking to me about letting go…and letting others in. One day I found a great quote by C.S. Lewis….
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art….It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”
We don’t need friends to survive…..
but we need them to be able to walk the path GOD has planned for us….
because HE knows the rocky roads we will encounter…..
the great fogs we will get lost in….
and the deep valleys that will threaten our existence.
HE knows the value of the friend who will listen…guide and pray for us.
I grieve because I isolated myself from so many.
I grieve because I probably appeared apathetic….maybe even arrogant.
Heartache changes us…..makes us become something GOD does not want us to be…..
Bitter….
Hardened…
Alone.
So I send these thoughts out to the big blog-o-sphere with this encouragement for you to think about…..
If you have unbelievable hurt or betrayal you are carrying around….
if hurt is causing you to isolate yourself from others…..
and pain is making you view the world through the lies of feelings….
Friend….give yourself a gift….
Let it go.
You don’t want to get to the end of your life and realize…..in the grand scheme of things….the situation really didn’t matter in regard to eternity.
Are you going to care about this hurt when you are with JESUS one day?
If you know JESUS….the answer to that question is NO!
You don’t want to get to the end of your life and realize…you lost precious memories and experiences you could have had with new friends….family….or restored friends.
You don’t want to get to the end of your life and realize…..
Your heart was as hard as stone…..
And that stone heart made you cold….apathetic…unapproachable….unfriendly….judgmental….lonely.
You don’t want to get to the end of your life and realize….
You have regrets….and should have done things different.
You don’t want to get to the end of your life and realize….
It could have been so much different….if only you had let go of the hurt.
Letting go is a gift you give to yourself…..
And the great gift is…. you are no longer allowing hurt to jade your heart or rob you of peace and joy….it means you value your life and existence more than the negativity in your life.
Letting go is an act of obedience to GOD.
GOD’S blessing will come to you when bitterness is excavated from every layer of your heart!
Letting go of the hurt…is the beginning to restoring you.
Tell me friend…….what do you need to let go of today?
