My heart was as hard as stone.
I had built a wall all around my fragile emotions.
I didn’t trust anyone….nor did I want friends.
I allowed circumstances to poison my heart toward all people.
I withdrew from relationships and checked out of the only social scene I participated in… which centered around church.
My husband accused me of being unfriendly.
He would go out to eat with friends….I would not.
My job became more demanding requiring me to travel….I stayed tired so it was a good excuse.
I allowed myself to only care for my immediate family.
Thank GOD I did not give up on church. HE kept me engaged with the drama ministry I served.
My broken heart kept me desperate for GOD.
In the midst of my internal pain, I knew GOD was the only solace for help.
I lived in this fog for about 6 years….disillusioned with loyalty….friendship….trust.
As time passed….I smiled and put on a good front…but I kept my distance.
Let me just say….distance is never good.
Distance just keeps us farther away from facing the root of our heartaches.
The LORD did many things in my life during those dark years of living in isolation.
First HE showed me how deceitful my heart was.
I was so weak in reality….I believed the lies my feelings were telling my mind.
Not everything I felt was true.
Second HE helped me see….I can’t fix others…but I can fix my heart if I will listen and obey HIM.
HE forced me to identify the true root of my heartache…and I finally surrendered my brokenness to the only one who could restore.
You see….sometimes we spend more time looking at others hearts instead of looking at our own.
It’s so easy to pray for GOD to fix another’s heart isn’t it?
HE showed me regardless of whether certain people in my life are loyal….trustworthy….or not….HE will always be loyal…. and trustworthy.
I’ve learned not to judge all people from the hurtful experiences life throws my way.
Just because someone betrays or lets me down today….doesn’t mean a new friend will do the same tomorrow.
When I realized GOD wanted me to have friends whether I wanted them or not….I knew I had a spiritual problem.
HE let me waller in my misery until I felt the need for GODLY friendship.
HE created us for companionship…to bear one another’s burdens…to encourage….to be accountable….to love.
GOD started speaking to me about letting go…and letting others in. One day I found a great quote by C.S. Lewis….
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art….It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”
We don’t need friends to survive…..
but we need them to be able to walk the path GOD has planned for us….
because HE knows the rocky roads we will encounter…..
the great fogs we will get lost in….
and the deep valleys that will threaten our existence.
HE knows the value of the friend who will listen…guide and pray for us.
I grieve because I isolated myself from so many.
I grieve because I probably appeared apathetic….maybe even arrogant.
Heartache changes us…..makes us become something GOD does not want us to be…..
Bitter….
Hardened…
Alone.
So I send these thoughts out to the big blog-o-sphere with this encouragement for you to think about…..
If you have unbelievable hurt or betrayal you are carrying around….
if hurt is causing you to isolate yourself from others…..
and pain is making you view the world through the lies of feelings….
Friend….give yourself a gift….
Let it go.
You don’t want to get to the end of your life and realize…..in the grand scheme of things….the situation really didn’t matter in regard to eternity.
Are you going to care about this hurt when you are with JESUS one day?
If you know JESUS….the answer to that question is NO!
You don’t want to get to the end of your life and realize…you lost precious memories and experiences you could have had with new friends….family….or restored friends.
You don’t want to get to the end of your life and realize…..
Your heart was as hard as stone…..
And that stone heart made you cold….apathetic…unapproachable….unfriendly….judgmental….lonely.
You don’t want to get to the end of your life and realize….
You have regrets….and should have done things different.
You don’t want to get to the end of your life and realize….
It could have been so much different….if only you had let go of the hurt.
Letting go is a gift you give to yourself…..
And the great gift is…. you are no longer allowing hurt to jade your heart or rob you of peace and joy….it means you value your life and existence more than the negativity in your life.
Letting go is an act of obedience to GOD.
GOD’S blessing will come to you when bitterness is excavated from every layer of your heart!
Letting go of the hurt…is the beginning to restoring you.
Tell me friend…….what do you need to let go of today?
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