Well….I’m having one of those days where satan is absolutely trying to mess with me. It actually started yesterday. You ever feel like you are just so sinful….and unworthy…..and a disappointment to GOD? Unfortunately I have many times. I loose my temper…..I think a bad thought….I get stubborn and harden my heart.
Its hard to lay our sin down sometimes…..but even harder to believe that GOD forgives us the first time we ask….so we keep reminding HIM and asking for forgiveness again and again….when really….if we are truly repentant….HE forgave us the first time we asked.
Anybody out there keep asking GOD to forgive you for something you’ve already confessed?
Satan is the one continually rubbing our nose in our failures……NOT GOD!
Grace is such a beautiful concept that has always been so hard to graft to my heart. I think insecurities…..child hood experiences…..even church experiences can have something to do with that as well….after all….Christians are hard on each other. We want to recall or remember when our sisters or brothers wrong us…..yet we don’t want them to remember our offenses.
Feelings are liars……they make us think things not true….they make us believe the worst sometimes….when GOD has only feelings of love for us…..HE thinks only good for us.
I wish there was some kind of magic filter that I could just install in my psyche that automatically screened out all the feelings and thoughts that cause me to beat myself up….over and over. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way…..I shouldn’t have said that…..I failed again.”
For instance…..when I felt GOD telling me to start a blog…..about three years ago….I kept telling myself….”Who do you think you are…speaking for GOD?” Many of my friends know that I am a playwright for church…I even struggle with writing plays that are effective for the kingdom….I don’t feel worthy……up to the task…..clean enough……yet HE fills my head with all these beautiful pictures and stories that translate into characters on paper.
I fought the blog thing for a long time…..until GOD spoke to me and said….“Just share your struggles…..as real as you can.” Relief is finally what I felt…because I no longer feel the burden of speaking for GOD.
I am just trying to share my heart…..as real as I can….through words.
Am I perfect?…..HEAVENS NO!!! Do I struggle with sin?….ABSOLUTELY!!!! All I can do is share how GOD takes this stubborn heart and prunes….jars…..grieves…..disciplines…. tenderly to the point of submission…. helping me think the way he wants me to think.
You see…..GOD just doesn’t want us to beat ourselves up over and over because of our failures……and as Christians….HE certainly doesn’t want us to keep beating up our brothers and sisters when they fail us….that’s just a tool of satan.
So when I fall in the ditch that satan has dug for me…..somehow GRACE sends just a bit of light….enough for me to stop….and realize…..GOD’S not rubbing my nose in my failures…..satan is.
I deal with my stinking thinking and ask GOD to help me think his thoughts. I recall some of my favorite scripture that encourages me…….
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1John 1:9
“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow: though they are red like crimson, they shall become as wool.
These are just a few of the many verses I love and write out from time to time just to let the words seep deep into my heart. I encourage you to get alone and look up every scripture where GOD tells us HE forgives us….over and over.
One of the tools I use to straighten out my stinking thinking is putting those thoughts through the Philippians 4:8 test.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable….if anything is excelling or praiseworthy think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
Put every thought of self loathing…..unworthiness……failure…….absolutely every thought that rubs your nose in your past……ask yourself…is it true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable?
Remember GOD doesn’t want us wallering in our past failures….but Satan does!
ALWAYS BE ON GUARD OF SATAN’S TACTICS TO MAKE YOU FEEL LESS! HIS MIND GAMES ARE STRAIGHT FROM THE PITTS OF HELL!!!!
I pray that someone …..somewhere out there in the big “blog o sphere” that totally confounds me…..will get the message….HE loves you….HE forgives you…and HE forgets it……and…
HE wants you to forgive yourself!