Are you getting old? Or just a little older? There is a difference! Happy 50th Birthday to me!

Time is a like a roll of toilet paper….the closer it gets to the end….the faster it goes.

Time waits for no one yet affords us many pleasures.

Time awards us wisdom yet threatens our youth and vitality.

Time comes quickly and cruelly leaves us longing for more.

Time measures our days, the special occasions, the new experiences, the tearful goodbyes and the joys of new life.

Time….a friend and a foe.

I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately.  I’m turning 50 this weekend and totally amazed I’m going to be a half a century old….considered an antique….now eligible for an AARP card.

I used to think people in their fifties were old….the jokes on me now right?

As I have been embracing my slow swan dive into pre-senior citizen status, I’m actually kind of excited.

I am determined to make the next 50 years the best of my life.

In about 6 weeks I will finally have an empty nest.  My last little birdie…or buzzard is probably more appropriate…is jumping out of the Porter nest.

My husband is especially excited he won’t have to hide his Debbie cakes and ice cream and he’s counting the days until he won’t have to share the family room TV.

For some silly reason he thinks we will run through the house naked if we desire.

Not this old girl.

I’m not afraid of getting older….but I am afraid of getting old.

You see….there is a difference…and a lot of it has to do with how we think about aging.

Getting OLDER means I’m still evolving to become what GOD desires….I’m still learning….still skipping hand in hand with the passions HE’S burned into my heart.

Getting OLD signifies becoming fixed…brittle…resolved to what is happening with the body…the mind and habits.

Getting OLDER means I am not afraid to keep trying, learning new things…..dreaming new dreams.

Getting OLD means to give up the dreams.

Getting OLDER is the path GOD has set for me…and you.

Getting OLD means stopping on the path…….giving up… in.

I will not give in to the lie Satan wants us all to buy….you know the lie with fear attached to it…..getting older means life is getting closer to being over?

The truth is…..GOD has a charted path and plan to walk us right into eternity.

It is our job and responsibility to seek and follow HIS path every single day until we take our last breath.

By following HIS customized path for our lives…..we won’t get bored…..tired…..or fearful.

Following HIS path and plan will renew us….give us endurance….give us joy.

I can honestly say I am more excited about my future than I have ever been.

I’m carrying the lessons of the past in my back pocket and charting for a new territory called senior citizenville….the place of discounts galore…..and I will exploit them all.

I’ll be the newest golden girl on the block with the hottest senior citizen hubby already in residence…..he’s been there a while and has been patiently waiting for me to join him.

Since he is 16 years my senior….he was excited when I turned 30….I think he’s extremely satisfied with my ever approaching 50th mile marker.

In the past I dreaded this birthday but GOD has done amazing things in my heart these last few years.

HE’S breathed new life into the now empty space of motherhood.

HE has been pursuing this stubborn heart my entire life….and I finally got smart enough to realize it.

I know my future is good…..because GOD’S got me in the palm of his hand.

I’m so thankful for where I am at now.

I am grateful for the lessons of the past….the heartaches of yesterday…the regrets surrendered to peace…..for all these experiences are now wrapped in wisdom.

I am grateful HE has given me 50 years….some hard…some easy….but all full of life and hope.

When you have JESUS….you can’t help but think….. life…and hope.

So happy 50th birthday to me…..

A golden girl in training.

I’m not getting old…thanks to the good LORD….I’m just getting a little older.

“Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”       2 Corinthians 4:16

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"Remnants of childhood…and motherhood" Some funny memories I’ve been asked to share on my blog.

My blogs have been kind of heavy lately so I decided to just throw caution to the wind and have a fun day.  Sometimes we need to just chilax and laugh in order to reboot.  I have been asked by some of my FB friends to reshare a little essay I did last year.  Back in December one of my childhood friends gave me the number 5 and told me to share 5 things about myself.  I decided to go for some of the crazy experiences I’ve had and share the memories still making me laugh as well as grimace.  It’s funny how life experiences can leave impressions on your spirit dictating behavioral reactions in everyday life. 

 So here we go….. sit back and laugh with me friends!!!
1. I was attacked by a female monkey when I was 4 at the Knoxville Zoo. I was just being my sweet little four year old self and mimicking faces of a male monkey that obviously thought I had it going on. We mimed each others faces for about three minutes when all of a sudden I was grabbed by the hair of the head and slammed into the bars of the cage by the male monkey’s live-in, jealous, female lover. It was a vicious attack people….one that my tender memories will never let me forget. Emergency help was called to pry that jealous, little, snit’s hairy, grubby, flea-picking phalanges from my precious head. I hate the Zoo to this day.

2. I loved the Pillsbury Dough Boy and his commercials……..In fact I loved him so much  I opened over 12 cans of biscuits looking for him when I was about 5.  When he did not pop out…..I proceeded to hide the biscuits all over the house….in flower pots, dresser drawers, closets, jewelry boxes, under the bed, toy boxes…..window sills hid by curtains. I specifically remember my anger, disillusionment and disappointment. The Dough BOY was the first boy to break my little heart.

3. I once left my toddler sons (at the time) Matt age 4 and Aaron age 2, on the side of the road. I had picked up all three of my boys at the babysitters. On the drive home, Matt was opening Hershey kisses and handing them to his little brothers to eat. Unbeknownst to me….18 month old Spencer…my baby, had picked up 3 old fashioned metal jack rocks at the babysitters putting them in his pocket. He had retrieved them and was unaware he got the jack rocks mixed up with the kisses swallowing the toys and candy together. I looked back in the mirror when I heard a gargling, gagging noise and realized he was choking. At this point….my little know it all man…Matthew (age 4 mind you) starts screaming…..”he’s dwying…he’s dwying momma…pwull ova…pwull ova!!” Of course I come to a screeching halt on Emory Road near where Bruster’s Ice Cream is now….and I jump out retrieving Spencer from the car seat. I proceed to do the heimlech maneuver….that only produced a nasty broth of chocolate and blood from his mouth. I panicked….of course.   I ran to the middle of the road and proceeded to wave down cars for help….the first one I asked to call 911….the second was an old inebriated farmer with a wad of chew that was drooling out of the corner of his mouth. He hops out of his rusty truck and he proceeds to take my precious, choking baby and turn him upside down, holding him by the ankles shaking him….I was horrified. I jerked my baby away from him and told him to go wash his face! I then resorted to sticking my finger down Spencer’s throat and SURPRISE SURPRISE!!! I pulled out a jack rock!????!!! A what?!!! I was stunned but I thought well he’s Okay….until he started gagging and gargling and grunting…….oh it was horrible! A nurse arrived on the scene and started working with Spencer.  She proceeded to get another jack rock out of his throat. As she was working desperately to save my baby’s life, I was in tears and remember looking at the back of my big buick,…… (we affectionately called the car Big Bertha….we traded her not long after that because Aaron had projectile vomited…like a rocket in space all over the car and his little brothers one night….all my boys were naked by the time we got home because they crawled out of their vomit covered clothes and car seats. All the way home I prayed I wouldn’t get pulled over with three naked little boys out of their car seats that had the smell of puke….oh sorry….that’s another story).   Where was I?…..Oh yea….I remember looking at the rear view window of Bertha….and two little scared sets of eyes as big as quarters were taking in all the events. Once again Spencer started gagging and gargling……oh I thought I was just about done in….but the nurse kept working and got another jack rock up….oh yes….3!!!  All of a sudden the ambulance is on the scene whisking us away to children’s hospital.  Spencer is stable on the ride but still coughing and bleeding. As we pull into the emergency room…..I remember ……Matt….Aaron….????? I left my babies on the side of the road!!!!!!! I was mortified!!!!!! Thankfully….my smart little man, Matthew….gave a bystander or thrill seeker….whichever it was….my sister’s phone number and Darla drove like a bat out of….well you know….. from Grainger County to get my babies.   Not my proudest mother moment…..still haunts me to this day.

4. I went back to school to finish my degree at the age of 45! WHAT?! If that doesn’t impress you this will….. I walked into my first day of class and low and behold there was my oldest son, Matt….in the same class….He was mortified! Our eyes locked and I saw the terror on his face…in his eyes….He immediately shook his head “NO” at me….therefore I went to the front of the class and took a seat. I respected his space and kept my distance for the first half of the semester until the professor put us in the same study group….can you say….AWKWARD? Then to add insult to his injury….the professor made me the group leader…..can you say….UNCOMFORTABLE? I played it cool until one day in study group I accidentally called him by his pet name….”Pookie”….Let’s just say if looks could kill I would be six feet under right now.  I tried to nonchalantly play it off and apologized telling him he reminded me of my son. It didn’t help. We managed to pull off the semester without anyone finding out….except some astute little prissy, sorority girl asked me if he was my son on the last day of class. I never told Matt I ratted him out bless his heart. Oh well. Just in case inquiring minds want to know….I ended the semester with honors and a higher GPA in that class and over all….than my brilliant son who was on afull academic scholarship!! BAHAHAHAHA……still love to rub that in!! HA!

5. I am a freakishly, nerdy, literary junkie and at the age of 46 took a whole semester on the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. It was EPIC!  My final project was designing a HOBBIT newspaper with ads, stories and art work. That was my favorite class…semester….ever!!!!!!! WHY would I take this class….you may ask?  Well because I have raised boys and when you raise boys….you learn to like all that SCI-FI,  superhero, Walking Dead, kind of entertainment.  I do take exception to one movie I detest to this day…..Anaconda.  One lazy Sunday afternoon my husband and boys duped me into going.  To this day I cannot get the pictures out of my head I saw on the big screen many years ago. Who wants to see a gigantic snake swallow a man whole….vomit him up…and eat him again?  Really? Snakes in any capacity are not quality entertainment people.

There you have it folks…I have lived… life has left me with deep scars……but I HAVE LIVED!!!!!

"Rainy Days and Monday’s Always Get Me Down" A battle for the mind and how to win!!!

Disappointment looms in the air today…….someone I love very much is struggling ……….I have friends that are down……..there is sickness…..aggravations…..regret……debt…….a heavy fog of grief.   Heck…..there’s a bunch of adult men that get paid millions to chase a ball around that are pretty blue today.

Monday’s are notorious for being bad days but I really hate to blame Mondays.  Mondays get a bad rap.  I think we are all just snapped back to reality after a two day euphoric reprieve.   Having the weekend to relax and forget our troubles is a welcome relief  until the clock goes off at 6:30 A.M. Monday morning and you’re catapulted back to the real world……it’s even worse when the rains coming down in buckets outside your window.

Days like today make me think of my daddy that’s in Heaven……my little boys that are big boys now.  I think about sunny days playing at the pool……..friday night movies…… pasta so they could have a food fight outside.   I think of my mamaw Millsey in heaven as well……. she was my prayer warrior and understood my heart and my hurts growing up.  I’m tempted to mourne for the past when in reality….I wouldn’t want to bring my daddy or mamaw Millsey back from Heaven….they certainly wouldn’t want to come back……and while I miss the little boys that I so relished….this period where my nest is emptying is really a sweet place….and a divine appointment from God. 

In the past I have wallowed in my melancholy……sometimes the mindset would set in for a few days.  While it’s sweet to remember in order to escape……the LORD doesn’t want me to linger there to the point I loose sight of the future or it causes me to sin.  But gosh dang it…..when I think about the future…’s so overwhelming at times.  Fretting over worrisome problems, disappointments or things unsettled doesn’t help my state of mind.

So how do I handle these vulnerable…..worrisome…..nerve wracking….anxious…..melancholy……and dreadful days?

         You know…..that day where your heart is just raw…..unsettled…..aching in a sense?

We all have them for whatever reasons our lives warrant.  Concern for a child….worry for the future…..anxiousness for a problem… issues…..deadlines…. consequences from sin…..job pressures…..and the list goes on and on and on. 

            The important thing to ask when our emotions are tender…..where do we turn?

 Do we open the fridge?  Do we turn on the TV and let the noise drown out our thoughts? Do we hop in the car and go for a little retail therapy? Do we shut ourselves off emotionally from friends….church or family?  What do you do?  I have to confess that I have done all of the above in the past…….but finally…..I started to face those fragile times in my spirit because I wanted to deal with them…not push them back where they kept popping up…..causing me to digress to “stinking thinking.” 

 One day I finally talked to God about it…..”Okay Lord….I’m here at this uncomfortable place with this thing that I can’t change or fix…..what do you want me to learn from it?……what about this situation is causing me not to have truthful thoughts about everything and everyone involved…..including you Lord?”

When we get in these melancholy moods…..or mental states of depression or  negativity….it’s usually because we have allowed satan to use our problems against us.

I’ve always been a fixer….but it seems GOD has given me things in the last few years that I can’t fix in my human flawed state.  Have you got some problems that only God can handle or fix?  I used to pray for relief from things blatantly out of my ability to make better…….but now I do these little steps to get my mind in tune with the LORD’S.  I have found that I can face my problems a lot better when I have a GODLY mindset.

Step 1 I make myself write down a simple list of all the good things in my life that I am grateful for.  You will not believe how much better you will feel afterwards.  Seeing in black and white the good things I have to be thankful for….raises my spirits to another level.   Once I get to this point….my “stinking thinking” starts aligning with the “voice of truth.

Step 2 I rebuke satan and all the “stinking thinking”….. lies…..discouragement and negative things he tries to whisper.   You see….if you have accepted JESUS as your saviour….you have been bought with the blood that he sacrificed for your sin.  That blood gives you authority over satan and any devices, lies or problems he can throw into your life.  Claim the blood of JESUS and tell satan to go back to pit of lies and stay……he has no authority over you if you have been been redeemed by JESUS 

Remember satan is cunning….he comes to kill, steal and destroy your life (John 10:10) and your loved ones…..and the place he starts……. is by seeking to control your mind.

  Don’t let satan control your mind or thoughts through the problems you face on a daily basis!!!

Make a point to get rid of your “stinking thinking” because it’s from satan… will never be from GOD!  Any negative thought that comes into your mind is from the pits of hell!  

GOD will never give you negative …..condemning thoughts!


 Step 3 The next step…… give it all to JESUS……every hurt…..problem……weakness….inadequacy… …..negativity……every burden……desperation…..past joys…..past sins….Give it all to HIM……pour your heart out to JESUS in honesty and humbleness.  

If you have a problem concentrating in prayer……that’s a ploy of satan’s as well so I suggest you sit down and write your prayers…… emptying your heart out to God.  Sometimes it hardest to pray and focus when satan has compounded your problems or hurts to a state of overwhelming thoughts.  

I have written my prayers so many times…..but it helps me focus and zero in on what the real problem is……which is usually my “stinking thinking.”  Oh the sweet relief when I give it to HIM…….it’s that very delicate vacuum of time…..where I have just confessed sin……given HIM my problems….and I am perfectly clean… least until I fall again…..but gosh….that sweet little space of time….where all is right between me and JESUS…..oh it’s priceless.

Finally sweet friends…..remember this……

                    “GOD IS FOR YOU!”

GOD is on your side!!! Though John 10:10 tells us that satan comes to kill, steal and destroy our lives….the rest of the verse says that HE came to give us abundant life!

      “The thief cometh not, but for to steal and to kill and destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”  John 10:10

HE has come to free us of all our burdens……set the captives free……heal the hurts……break the chains of bondage…….we weren’t meant to carry all this baggage……..that’s why HE died for us.  

When we become entangled in our “stinking thinking” because of our problems…..friends….that is NOT ABUNDANT LIVING!!!

Oh how I am so thankful to have a saviour to run to when the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

The next time you fall into one of those ditch’s that satan dug for you….just give these simple steps a try…..I promise you…..JESUS will pull you from the plunder.

I pray that this message…..goes out to those struggling with burdens that entangle to the point of “stinking thinking”…….oh how I pray that you find relief in that sweet delicate place…..where JESUS meets you one on one….and all is made right between you and your precious saviour.


            GOD IS FOR YOU!

                                             “I know that you are for me”  by Kari Jobe